So often in the course of a psychotherapy session, I hear a client use the term selfish to describe what I believe to be a thought, feeling, or action that is actually an example of self-interest. It appears that many people are confused about the difference between these two states or simply believe that anything done for, taken for, wished for, or achieved for the self, is, by any definition, an example of selfishness. It is striking to discover that standard dictionaries, as well as several on-line dictionaries, may be adding to the confusion.

David Brooks, an op-ed columnist for the New York Times, recently made a significant contribution to our thinking by identifying an additional life phase between adolescence and adulthood. No one acknowledged this time as a separate phase until Brooks’ op-ed piece entitled “The Odyssey Years” (New York Times, October 9, 2007). In it, he adds two ‘new’ phases to the traditional four life phases of   childhood, adolescence, adulthood, and old age. In addition to inserting “the odyssey years” as a phase between adolescence and adulthood, he suggests that there is an additional life phase between adulthood and old age that he calls “active retirement.” His emphasis is on the odyssey years as will mine be in this commentary.

The elusive forces behind a person’s ability to exercise willpower have been the subject of increasing scrutiny by the scientific community. Behavioral scientists have been trying to understand why people have so much trouble overcoming bad habits like laziness and procrastination and addictions such as smoking, excessive eating, and abuse of drugs and alcohol. One aspect of overcoming these habits or addictions includes the use of willpower and self-discipline. They make a great difference in everyone’s life, and bring one a sense of inner strength, self-mastery and decisiveness.