Resilience
If you accept the notion that resilience is a quality that can be cultivated, as opposed to seeing it only as a genetically determined quality, you might be inspired to strengthen your ability to become more resilient. People often have considerable capacity to build strength and better coping skills, although they often are not sufficiently aware of this.
Resilience is the means by which, for example, children from troubled families are not immobilized by hardship but rebound from it. They learn to protect themselves and emerge as strong adults who are able to lead gratifying lives. The groundbreaking resilience research of sociologist Emmy Werner, Ph.D., of the University of California, showed that even during early life about a third of these kids never seem to be affected by the grinding poverty, alcoholism, and abuse in the homes in which they are raised. Of the remaining two-thirds, many are troubled as teens, typically turning to petty crime. But by the time they reach their 30s and 40s, they have pulled themselves together, determined not to repeat their parents' lives.
A troubled family can indeed inflict considerable harm on its children, but resilient people are challenged by such troubles to experiment and respond actively and creatively. Their preemptive responses to adversity, repeated over time, become incorporated into their inner selves as lasting strengths.
Here are some of the ways that you can strengthen your capacity to rise above adversity and forge lasting strengths in the struggle. Like so much else in life, these recommendations may be easier said than done. Nonetheless, it is always wise to tap in to your resources and attempt to enhance your self-esteem by being vigorous in efforts to improve yourself.
- Learn from your experiences. Recall how you have coped with hardships in the past, either in healthy or unhealthy ways. Build on what helped you through those rough times and don't repeat actions that didn't help.
- Remain hopeful and optimistic. While you can't change events, look toward the future, even if it's just a glimmer of how things might improve. Find something in each day that signals a change for the better. Expect good results.
- Accept and anticipate change. Be flexible. Try not to be so rigid that even minor changes upset you or that you become anxious in the face of uncertainty. Expecting changes to occur makes it easier to adapt to them, tolerate them, and even welcome them.
- Work toward goals. Do something every day that gives you a sense of accomplishment. Even small, everyday goals are important. Having goals helps direct you toward the future.
- Take action. Don't just wish your problems would go away or try to ignore them. Instead, figure out what needs to be done, make a plan to do it, and then take action.
- Maintain perspective. Don't compare your situation to that of somebody you think may be worse off. You'll probably feel guilty for being down about your own problems. Rather, look at your situation in the larger context of your own life, and of the world. Keep a long-term perspective and know that your situation can improve if you actively work at it.
Nurture a positive view of yourself. Developing confidence in your ability to solve problems and trusting your instincts helps build resilience.